Strange Letters
I recently received a string of e-mails that have still left me wondering...

Hello, I was wondering if you could direct me to a copy of the JPEG that was once at sarcasta.net of you displaying your bountiful bosom. I need it for a novella I am writing for Slashdot. Thanks in advance. Ciao! Patrick Bateman, Esq.

MY REPLY: You have *got* to be kidding!

Hello Kathleen, I must admit that I thought the chance you would honor my request was slim, but I'd like to assure you that the image will undergo only minimal modification, and that all nudity will be tasteful and integral to the plot. Sincerely Yours, Patrick

Um.... maybe you should explain why my "nudity" will be integral to the plot of this er, "novel" you claim to be writing. ;o)

Hello again, Just to clarify, I never said "your" nudity will be integral to the plot, I said "all" nudity, which does not necessarily include you. The only well-formed chapter I have that features nudity is a visit by Open Source advocate and communist agitprop activist Richard Stallmann to a clothing-optional abattoir in rural England (where he contracts a nasty case of Foot-and-Mouth disease). I reserve the right to incorporate nudity in other chapters, but I haven't yet. Anywho, without giving away too much of the plot, the novella will contain characters from the Slashdot universe. This includes real people like CmdrTaco, Hemos, JonKatz, spiralx, Sarcasta, etc., as well as their meatspace avatars: "Rob Malda", "Jeff Bates", "Jeffrey Dahmer", "Tony Blair", "Kathleen Fent", etc. Props like the Slashdot Cruiser, Geek Compound, hot grits, and VA Linux stock certificates will also figure prominently. Sincerely Yours, Patrick

Hmmmmm... so why do you need a *picture* if this is a novel? I am intrigued.

For the cover, of course. - Patrick

You're a smooth talker. Bet you're a big hit with the ladies! But how do I know it's not going to end up with buck teeth and horns drawn in... or worse yet... NIPPLES! *gasp*

Well, I'm not sure what to say to convince you that I won't do such a thing (teeth-horns-nipples), but my plan was to add a costume to the picture for the character of Sarcasta. Otherwise the cover will have to be of Stallman and a goat, and there *will* be nipples, teeth, and horns in that one. The purpose of this exercise is satire, not malice, so... no sarcastic nipples. Sincerely, Patrick

OK... I'm sold. ;o) This is too funny. Can't pass it up. Here ya go. (I sent him a high-res version)

Hello Kathleen, Thanks for the picture! I think you'll be surprised with the results. Ciao! Patrick

Oh, Dear!
What have I gotten myself into?

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